A year ago, if you had told me I would be separating from my husband, and gratefully so, I wouldn’t have believed you. At the time that same thought terrified me. I had a small baby in my arms, no way of supporting myself financially, and a lot of doubt in myself. I believed that if I didn’t have a husband, my whole life would crash to the ground. I was anxious at the thought of being alone, and so scared of having a child to raise with nowhere to live and no regular income. I would break a sweat even thinking about it. To say it kept me up at night would be an understatement.
Fast forward a year, and I can’t say I’m out of the woods yet. I’m still processing emotions from the relationship, I have ups and downs, and some days are harder than others. I repressed so many feelings and pushed away so many problems, and that will continue to unwind within me for some time. But you know what I realised?
Facing the truth is hard for a moment,
but pays dividends for a lifetime.
We read fairy tales as little girls, and subconsciously take the messages on board in our lives. In those stories, women are waiting for life to happen to them.
Wait for Prince Charming rescue you from the tower.
Wait for your fairy godmother to come.
Wait for someone else to save you is the take-home message.
We aren’t taught to take our lives in our own hands – we’re simply at the mercy of fate.
The beautiful part about taking responsibility for your own life is realising that you are in the drivers seat. No one else can force you to do anything that you don’t agree with. I’ve been receiving many messages from friends and acquaintances expressing their shock and sadness that I'm a single Mum now. But you know what? It’s not one person’s fault. No one forced me to get married. It was my decision to say yes. No one forced me to put up with unacceptable behaviour, or stay in a bad relationship. I am fully responsible my part.
Once we take full responsibility for our actions, the blame game completely ends.
Life is not happening to you. You co-create every single event in your life. You teach people how to treat you. People aren’t taking advantage of you – you are letting yourself be taken advantage of. Once you own your life, suddenly you become the heroine.
I am so proud of my story now. I don’t feel like the “victim” of circumstance. I made some very poor decisions in the relationship, and now facing those head on has been so healing and strengthening for me.
I am so grateful to my ex-husband. He taught me many, many lessons that I would never have learned otherwise. Now I know exactly what I’m willing to put up with, and where my limits are, for the next relationship. I know how to communicate my emotional needs. I have so much experience that will help me in all areas of life.
Before this relationship, I had no boundaries. I gave people an access-all-areas pass to my heart, mind and emotions. Always being an open book drained my energy immensely. I haven’t closed my heart down, though. Now I simply know to choose better who I open the gates to.
There’s a saying;
You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
I fully believe this. If you don’t have trying experiences in your life, you may never flourish into your powerful potential. The lotus flower starts at the bottom of the pond, sitting in the muck and sediment where no one can see it. It pushes up a single strand reaching for the light, and when it gets to the surface, blooms into a beautiful flower. If you’re in the muck right now, take heart. This is the part where you find out where you are.
Get support, go to a boxing session, scream, dance, take a yoga class.
Dr Christiane Northrup says that you need to feel it to heal it. Get those dark emotions out and don’t feel ashamed of them. And then focus on the light right above your head. Grow, grow, grow. You can do it. Life is beautiful, and everything we need to learn comes to us in the perfect moment. We choose our paths. And at any moment, we can choose to make a small change in direction, even one degree, and end up in a completely different destination. The time will pass anyway.
What are you going to do with your one precious life?
With all my love,